Lanyard Solutions

So, yeah, this was a bit of a toughie. With 1o57’s hint, we realize we need to shift the lists a little with respect to one another, to get an array that looks more like:

   n00b     rotary:        Jolly       Floppy      Key:
                           Roger:
24 00x      00100y
23 x10      00000y
22 x01      10010y
21 00x      10010y
20 01x      01010y
19 x01      10001y         0314        0721        1426
18 01x      00110y         1624        1819        1413
17 10x      00011y         2612        2209        2201
16 10x      01000y         1502        1815        2025
15 x10      10011y         1110        0211        1219
14 00x      01011y         2207        2201        1810
13 01x      01111y         2119        2010        1722
12 x01      01111y         2209        2213        0616
11 01x      01011y         1817        1405        0207
10 10x      10000y         0213        1706        2118
9  00x      01011y         1801        2308        0408
8  10x      01100y         2522        2603        1806
7  00x      00110y         0408        0408        0305
6  x00      01110y         0205        2216        0209
5  x01      01000y         2308        2425        2217
4  00x      01000y         2006        12          1823
3  00x      01001y                                 0824
2  x01      01011y                                 1815
1  00x      01000y                                 0211
0  00x      00100y                                 1806

Before we get too ahead of ourselves, we note that under a=1, b=2 etc the Jolly roger, the floppy, and the key lanyards all decode to Pangrams, after a rot13. In order of appearance:

PACKMYBOXWITHFIVEDOZENLIQUORJUGS 
THEFIVEBOXINGWIZARDSJUMPQUICKLY 
AMAZINGLYFEWDISCOTHEQUESPROVIDEJUKEBOXES

This ends up being… unimportant for the puzzle, aside from cluing us into the rot. But, from a design perspective, this is somewhere in the neighbourhood of brilliant. It ensured that 1o57 had at least three full alphabets (a full alphabet rot13 is still a full alphabet) to select his message from AND it ensured a decryption that could easily lead us astray.

After the shift, the final decryption is obtained by taking the pairs from the rotary and n00b lanyards, and selecting the ‘side’ of a given lanyard by the side on which the x appears on the n00b lanyard.

Doing this carefully we get:

06 18 18 24 06 22 16 24 06 14 17 11 02 05 25 17 16 05 22 26 22 01 14 22 06
SEEKSICKSADWORLDCRIMINALS

This, apparently, is a Daria reference. Looking a little further, or for some of us, simply recalling our childhoods grants the page:
lostboy.net/MimeAndPunishment